Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
很久没有看到这样的国产都市爱情电影了。它离我们很近又很远，什么都说了但又什么都没说，这种分寸感的把握真的是天分啊。其实没有自带的导演处女作1星加成，这部电影都可以给5星了。
一万六的鞋求个欢喜，不合适断舍离；
本质上是一青春爱情片换成了一群中老年人来演，多了市井油腻，少了灵动激情，浮皮潦草的深刻，轻描淡写的共鸣，引来干扁文艺青年热捧也正常。我老了绝对不会给孩子讲我看过的文艺片。
1马伊琍的角色就是个见过好东西装逼的文艺逼 精致且落魄 慕强被割韭菜 心高气傲 反手就给一顶绿帽 你前妻都追不上 但凡人设立住李小姐你都不该找个老实人接盘 你喜欢老白的动机是什么 应该一婊到底 老实人我不要 你人好 我帮你可以 处对象门没有 要婊出骨气
2.5 肥皂剧改成电影真的欣赏不来，不如改名《老时代》
厉害极了，112分钟实打实地熬过去，却好像一句话没有说。到底是什么样的时代容得下一群人如此自我陶醉，如视无物地活在梦里？日新月异，每不到半年街道便要再被从头到脚美化一回的上海，到底能留得住多少濒死的记忆，又能供多少人游戏般起居和做梦？只怕电影拍的既非上海，也非人情，更不是文艺，只不过是幸运地站在中产尖端的人群如何自我消解、恬不知耻的意识形态罢了。
奔着女性故事来的，而不是拼贴画！
灵啊灵啊，赚不到钞票没关系，明年拿奖拿到手软哦。
我一直觉得吃饭戏能拍对，一部作品就不会差到哪里去。这几场吃饭聊天的部分，修罗场十足，信息量巨大，又火花四溅，真的特别好看。整部电影不再是钢筋水泥味，一股子人间烟火气，真好。
难得能看到这种小布尔乔亚但有没有精英味儿的轻喜剧，其实仅从这一点看，就已经足够讨巧。笑点密集且欢快，在角色的对话中被轻盈地呈现。终于有华语电影借角色之口说出那句一直等待被提起的话：“我为中国的男导演感到羞耻。”在女性导演的视角下，我们才得以有消解狭隘的台词和角色。好喜欢的，灵呀。
有点李安有点伍迪艾伦但绝对是上海自成一派的元宇宙，在爱情和人际关系中撩拨还与电影互文呈现绝佳的幽默和巧思，剧本和台词都打磨得相当精细，几个演员的演技也高度在线还有不少对电影乃至艺术的揶揄和致敬，很难不喜欢了，国产电影很让人耳目一新的尝试和进步。
野猫知道哪家的剩菜香，吃完就走；
分寸感太好了。故事有一点刻薄和揶揄，但也有爱意。人物有一点平凡和俗气，但也有一点浪漫。
好几年没看到这么好的romcom了。喜欢女性导演视角下的女人：没有为男人争得死去活来。电影里的每个女性都有丰富和多面的情感和性格。这么细腻的romcom，真的只有女导演才拍得出来。支持女性创作者们～
我以后也想做个 有钱有闲老公失踪 嗲兮兮的格洛瑞亚
说句实在话，像电影这样的文本容量，更适合去讲一个精彩的故事，而对于人物角色的塑造则不是那么紧要。然而这部电影反其道而行之，花了很多笔墨在每个人物身上，大家一直在唠唠唠，通过对话和行为把每个人物雕刻得异常饱满，很像平时生活中朋友该有的样子。
自带伍迪·艾伦气质，拿腔拿调的中产“海派小品”。老乌这个角色抓住了上海少数“老克勒”的精光气，戏好人物佳，全片最为丰满。必须承认的是，影片拿大量配乐试图去缝合松散的叙事。叙事虽散但不乏舒适，娱乐一看已足够。
这个作品真是证明了那句话：有钱难买我舒服！故事简单没有脑洞没有套路，也许流俗(但它就是在讲这个)但是舒服；有些镜头是精心但是也没那么匠心设计的，但是舒服；90%的对白必须看字幕才能懂，但还是有种这就是身边事耳边话的舒服；看似人设都有钱有闲好像无病呻吟，但理解他们的爱恨情仇毫不费力，舒服。就连最后留下一滴泪，那也是不抽不呛地流下来的，心脏不难受。还有我盲猜有一部分是中国人唱英文的全部配曲，和剧情契合度让人有种看欧美剧的舒服。真的是太爱倪虹洁了，英语说得ga好听的宁理老师真是变色龙中的战斗机啊。
后半段绕进索菲亚罗兰里去了 由轻反重 堪称败笔了 整体上借力上海腔调 看得到灵光 温柔 平和 和一点点神性 佳作！
老灵了，是我爱看的中年人谈恋爱。抓住了上海这座城市的神韵，以及成熟人士瞻前顾后却也坦坦荡荡的你来我往。中国大银幕上的女人难的是“可以造反”的了。
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